The Arrival Fallacy
Ever thought: ‘As soon as this happens, I will be happy.’ Maybe you’ve thought: ‘Once I have this money, things will be fine.’ Or ‘When I finally have this job/relationship/income, I will be happy.’ All of these thoughts are variants of The Arrival Fallacy. The term ‘Arrival Fallacy’ was coined by the psychologist Dr Tal Ben Shahar and is known as the fake belief that once we reach a stage in our life, things will be OK. In such moments, you believe achieving a goal will bring you happiness. Let’s explore the arrival fallacy in this article under all its facets!
Goals and The Arrival Fallacy
Setting goals is often an exciting process, which explains why you might love setting New Year resolutions and getting a boost from The Fresh Start Effect. Goals can give you a sense of autonomy, responsibility, efficacy, and self-esteem. They provide a clear direction to work towards.
One of the downfalls of goals is that they often give extrinsic motivation. You want to achieve this goal for a given reason (this can vary from health to money to ‘being the right thing to do’ (whatever that means)). And then, somewhere along the way, you stop enjoying the journey. All the hard work, effort, and pushing is only for achievement, which is especially common with high achievers who base their value & worth on their accomplishments.
As we have an inner thermostat and self-regulation, our happiness surges with all those endorphins and then gradually returns to where we were used to being. Reaching a goal doesn’t increase happiness. It gives you a bit of a kick, some confidence, and trust, and that’s it: still pretty good, but let’s not go betting that our happiness lifts.
Happiness and The Arrival Fallacy
Here’s what many entrepreneurs, business leaders, and athletes say about goals. They put the goal on the pedestal and then end up disappointed. I remember an interview I held with a successful entrepreneur on my podcast. He confessed that he had spent a year working like crazy to reach seven figures, and when this successful entrepreneur succeeded to reach his target, he went into depression. How does this happen?
When focusing on the goal and the benefits, you believe that reaching that goal will take you to an exotic new place where all your problems are solved, everything is rosy, and you will be happy. The more you believe this goal is a panacea, the more likely you will be disappointed when it is not.
It is a tricky balance to continue to set goals and enjoy working towards them, all while knowing that the happiness part is the journey and not the arrival. I often get caught up in the arrival fallacy and must remind myself to stay in the present and enjoy the now. There is no ‘there’ there is only ‘now’. Growth and progress make us happy, not getting ‘there’ (wherever ‘there’ may be…)
Focus On The Process
Once you are aware of ‘the arrival fallacy’ the aim is to do everything you can to find joy in the process. Find happiness now. Elevate your energy, your soul, and your passion with your current activities, and place most of your focus on the process – the day-to-day.
Happiness benchmarks: they break down your goal into smaller chunks. Let’s say you want to run your first marathon. If each time you reach a new distance & time, it feels like a win. You are already enjoying The process more than if you are waiting for the marathon day to arrive, and be happy then! Benchmarks, or milestones, make the goal more achievable and the process more exciting!
Live in the moment: being present and placing our focus on our current activities, on the day-to-day conversations, on the people we meet, and the talks we have – this is where life happens. Now. If you don’t enjoy it now, what makes you believe that you will enjoy the future ‘now’? It might be slightly better with that goal reached, but it will still encompass struggles and obstacles. So let’s return to the now and enjoy this while it is happening.
Find Flow: one of the tools that have helped me most to enjoy the process is being in flow. Each day and several times per day. I instantly access flow when I write an article, give a workshop or coach. You feel it pulsing through your body, and time disappears. It’s fun, it’s challenging, it’s rewarding – and it makes you happy!
Keep setting goals: goals still matter. They set up your direction and a path ahead. Goals and big dreams are beautiful! All your problems will not disappear once you achieve these goals. Goals are there to energise, excite you and give you a direction. That’s it! The rest is down to the journey and the process.
Last Thoughts on The Arrival Fallacy
I love goals and the excitement of starting something new with the end goal in mind. Visualizing myself going through the finish line brings me overall happiness. You can also love goals and that extra dopamine hit as you embark on the next goal. That’s great. However, if you don’t balance it out, you will begin to lose the joy along the way or end up stressed, upset, anxious, or any other form of unhappiness. To avoid this, you can balance setting an exciting goal and finding joy in the process!
Thank you for reading,
Enjoy the journey,
Katie
👏