On Resistance
How to overcome resistance and persevere!
You sit down at your computer with the intention to do deep work and then IT happens. You stare at your guitar, and think about playing it, and then IT happens again. You pick up a book with the intention of reading and IT shows up. You enter the kitchen, ready to cook and IT is there again. You are about to write a new article, and IT is there once more. IT is RESISTANCE.
Resistance shows up all the time. How you handle that resistance directly correlates with your perseverance. I would almost go as far as to say that perseverance equals coping with resistance, and what actions you choose when resistance shows up.
In this article, let’s explore when resistance shows up, what the signs are, the default coping mechanisms and how to master resistance.
Resistance Signs
We often feel a lethargy, a sense of dread, and the desperate need to be doing something else instead. We fool ourselves: Maybe I could do this later, maybe I could do something else, anything else.
This is when resistance generally comes up:
Challenge: A challenging task/ activity
Deep work: Activities that require strong focus
Creativity: All types of creative endeavours
Boring: Tedious and boring activities
Importance: An activity where there is too much at stake
Unclear: An unclear goal, or activity
Movement: Physical exercise of any form
Add to the list above any other activity that you feel resistance for. What they all have in common, is that they demand an effort. From a biological and anthropological persepctive, we evolved to save energy! If something isn’t absolutely necessary, our brain starts to wonder if it is really worth our energy. That’s when the resistance shows up: it is our brain saying, let’s save some energy here and not do this.
Here are some of the signs:
Mental aversion towards the activity
Feel of dread, avoidance, boredom, frustration
Starting to do another activity that doesn’t feel quite right
Somehow finding yourself scrolling social media, internet, youtube… and
wondering: ‘How did I get here?’ (Resistance took you there)
Day dreaming, staring into space
Feeling of restlessness
Ask yourself now: What are some of the signs for you when you feel resistance or aversion towards an activity?
Coping Mechanisms
This is how most people cope with resistance:
DISTRACTION
Through studying and working in the field of focus, I have seen in my clients resistance disguised as distraction. People think they are distracted or lack self-discipline, but they simply haven’t learned to deal with that resistance.
This ‘distraction’ mode can take on many shapes and forms:
Alternative: Choosing a different activity and justifying it to yourself (and others)
Avoidance: Unconsciously avoiding the core activity (and not even realising it)
Guilt: Guilt and shame from not following through. And then the guilt makes you feel worse, so you don’t do the activity at all.
Victim Mindset: Going to victim mindset and blaming the outside world
Justifying: Having a long list of reasons and excuses why you can’t do that activity
Day Dreaming: Day dreaming, or walking away from the activity, the work
Self-sabotage: doing a certain pattern of behaviour that makes it harder for you to do that activity (example: getting up too late to meditate or exercise)
Future: Postponing the activity until some future date, also referred to as procrastiantion.
As you can see, the brain is pretty ingenious when it wants to find a reason NOT to do something hard. Excuse, after excuse, afer excuse… I have been there and I have just learned to say: This isn’t true - it is an excuse. I don’t believe you (resistance), I can do this!
The good news is: the more often you take action in spite of feeling the resistance, the more you build the habit of being proactive, self-disciplined and focused.
The even better news is: often once you start the activity for just 10-15 minutes, resistance melts away and you get into the happy zone of flow!
The best news is: the activities where we feel resistance are often the ones that add the most meaning to our lives. So on the other side of resistance, there is flow, joy and fulfilment! Just get over that hill!
Moving Forward
I know Resistance pretty well. We are great friends. Resistance comes up for me each day, sometimes even each hour. I find resistance when: I sit to write an article, a post, or my book (pretty much every single time, yet I still write). I feel resistance when I prepare a workshop or speech, or any deep work. Resistance shows up when it is time for me to meditate or exercise, yet I do both daily. With time, I have learned to recognise and befriend resistance in the same way that I have befriended fear. I identify it and think: Ah resistance, you are back again :)
There are five steps to mastering resistance:
Awareness: First notice that resistance is there. Otherwise, you can’t do anything about it. If you don’t notice it, it will take charge of you, and you will fall down the rabbit hole of distractions, procrastination, avoidance etc. First, see it before it takes a grip on you.
Acceptance: Accept that you are feeling resistance. It’s OK, you’re human. We all feel resistance - all the time! That doesn’t mean that you will be complacent and let the resistance take over, it just means that you accept that you are feeling resistance.
PAUSE: This is the most important part. If you don’t pause, you will go into distraction mode, or auto-pilot mode. You need to pause if you want to take charge of your actions.
Convince: This is when you need to convince your brain the activity is worth it. My go-tos are:
Baby steps: Let’s just do a tiny bit of this and see how it goes (works like a charm). This is my main strategy, especially for deep work.
Pain: If you don’t do this, it will be even worse later, you must do it. And then I visualise how annoying it will be if I don’t do it.
Gain: Imagine how great it will feel once I have done it. I see myself feeling great after the completion of that activity.
Manipulation: Yep, I tell myself it is one thing but it is another. For example, before a run, I always think: Let’s just go for a walk. I perfectly well know that I am going running but formulating it in my mind like a walk diminishes the resistance (even if I know it is not true! funny that.)
Perspective: I make the activity look, feel, seem more fun, exciting, that it actually is, by formulating it differently in my mind.
Visualisation: I picture myself doing the activity. This is the one that works best for me when I am going to exercise. I see myself exercising and then I think, ok let’s do it.
Memory: I recall a past time when I didn’t take action (skipped exercise, or got behind in work) and the consecuences of that inaction.
Identity: I see the activity as part of my identity and think if I don’t do this then I am no longer a… (writer, runner, speaker, self-disciplined, focused….) This works once you have built up an identity in specific areas.
Streaks: I have built many streaks in both my life and my work and I think: ‘I can’t break the streak!!’ For example, over 1000 days of meditation, over 5 months of daily 10k steps, and in my work, four years of weekly podcast episodes. If you are nuts about streaks, like I am, this can work for you :) (it’s basically using the sunk cost bias to your own advantage)
Compassion: I show compassion to myself first, and then from a place of compassion, I motivate myself. It goes something like this: ‘I know this is hard, but let’s do it!’ I have found with time that the carrot works better than the stick.
Why: I recall WHY this activity matters so much. The difference it will make in my own life, and the life of others. This gives me the fuel to take action and persevere!
Action: Start. Once you have fuelled yourself after the pause, and the convincing, then it is time to go!! Do not wait or resistance will show up again (fast!). If you don’t take action within a few minutes of convincing yourself, the resistance will have convinced you otherwise.
Intention Over Resistance
Often we think that we are lacking self-discipline, when really we are lacking the ability to master resistance. Or maybe self-discipline is the ability to master resistance.
More than anything else, overcoming resistance is a HABIT.
Once you know that it will show up, you feel it happen, you breathe and you take action anyway, your brain (probably the basal ganglia part that deals with habits) remembers that this is how you manage resistance.
Each time, you succomb to resistance, you build the habit of: distraction, procrastination, avoidance; which gets harder to break over time.
On the other hand, each time you cope with resistance and take action anyway, you build the habit of proactivity, focus, self-discipline, perseverance and consistency.
Resistance will always show up.
What matters is how you deal with it.
Well, resistance was pretty strong when I started this article and I still wrote it, so maybe these tools do work :) At least for me! Share in the comments what helps you to overcome resistance!
Thank you for reading,
Enjoy the journey,
Katie
Thank you, Katie, for the excellent work and the important content of the article.
While reading, I felt like it was about me!
That is very accurate, and it is a fantastic analysis and summary!