We haven’t been taught to live with intention. In some ways, it is the easiest, most natural thing in the world, but somehow along the way, we have forgotten how to do it.
Instead of living with intention, most of us live on autopilot. The difference between these modes of living is huge. It’s like the difference between being able to see and being blind.
In this article, let’s explore: what intentional living is, how to go about it, how it differs from living on autopilot, and what best practises can support you with intentional living.
Auto-pilot Living
In essence, living on autopilot comes down to going through the motions of daily life without questioning your values, what’s important, meaning & purpose, and core virtues…
It’s that feeling of ‘life just passes by’, and you don’t know how the time went by or how you got to where you are now.
Often directly linked to autopilot living comes a sense of regret (what I would have wanted to do with my life instead), a feeling of guilt (what I should have been doing), and deep dissatisfaction.
Why is it that most of us, by default, end up living on autopilot? Because it is easier (in the moment). In the long run, it is harder and more painful. Yet, in the moment, you ask yourself fewer questions, you don’t look into what really matters to you, you don’t analyse anything. You just plod along, pretending to be happy.
Behind this autopilot living, you are running old scripts: past traumas, conditioning from childhood & society, default settings of your personality are running the show.
Some core examples of autopilot living:
Working in a job you dislike, without ever contemplating changing or looking for alternatives
Impulsive reactions & triggers, justified by ‘I’m just like this, I can’t change.’
Staying in a relationship that is not a fit for you
Not prioritising important elements of your life: certain key relationships, healthy living or an interest that is forgotten about.
Feeling a lack of alignment between what truly matters to you and how you are living your life (for example, living in a hectic city when all you want is to live in the countryside).
A chronic pull of dissatisfaction towards your life, daily routines, and how you spend your time & energy
Intentional Living
In contrast, intentional living is the opposite. Instead of just going with whatever is currently happening in your life, you pause & you question it:
‘Is this really the job I want to do for the rest of my life?’
‘Do I enjoy my day-to-day activities?’
‘Am I focusing on what matters most in my life?’
‘Am I honouring & prioritising the most important relationships in my life?’
‘Am I living in alignment with my core values?’
‘Am I spending my time & energy in a worthwhile way?’
‘Do I feel purpose-driven and aligned in my life?’
An easy test to check how intentional your life currently is is to ask yourself: If you could snap your fingers and change anything you wanted to in your life, how much would you change?
If you would change absolutely everything, this probably means that you are currently living on autopilot and not aligned in your life.
If you would only change some small details here & there, then you are probably living with intention & alignment. It goes without saying that nothing is ever ‘perfect’, so we all would change a few things even if we are living with intention.
Intentional living is in the name: INTENTION. You are choosing: what you prioritise in your life, how you are showing up, your attitude, your values, your actions, how you respond to life circumstances…
Intentional living isn’t about changing all the circumstances in your life that you don’t like (though sometimes it can also look like that), but rather responding to those circumstances in a way that feels intentional, purposeful, and aligned. It’s a subtle difference, but it’s not the same.
Intentional Living: In action
How can you ensure that you are living with intention? What actions and behaviours can you put in place to have greater clarity of intention in your life?
Reflection
You cannot be more intentional if you don’t allow room for reflection. Whether you reflect through journaling or working with a therapist or coach, reflection is key.
Some of the core areas to reflect upon:
Values and what is important for you
Important relationships
Daily routines
Healthy practises
Virtues
Triggers
Default patterns
Personality patterns
Past traumas
Core interests
Purpose at work
Money mindset
Unhelpful habits
Addictive behaviours
Thinking tendencies
Attitude & mindset
Fears
The list truly goes on & on. There are so many areas where we need greater awareness so that we can stop living on autopilot and shift to more intentional living.
Actions
Once you have greater awareness through in-depth reflection, then you can take action on what you have realised.
Here are some examples of shifts in actions & behaviours from auto-pilot to intentional living:
You notice that every time you drink alcohol, you are more tired and frustrated, so you quit drinking alcohol (or you notice that you have a strong addictive pull towards alcohol, so you stop drinking).
You realise that you have a tendency to always be late, so you put in place alarms to keep you on track & be on time.
You become aware that you are intolerant and highly judgmental, so you train yourself to be more open-minded by listening attentively and stopping your initial judgment.
Because you noticed you were highly impatient, you began practising daily meditation.
As you value your health, you start to prioritise healthy living (sleep, nutrition, exercise).
With time, you have lost touch with close friendships, so you reconnect with friends from the past.
You give to charities that are making the impact you want to see in the world.
You let go of unhealthy habits and patterns that are making you (and people around you) unhappy.
You welcome feedback from others so you can work on your blind spots.
You choose your response in difficult circumstances based on your values and not your triggers (for example, being kind to somebody (value of kindness) instead of snapping).
These are just brief examples of what the shifts can look like.
The deeper shift is within: a sense of ownership, a feeling of agency in your life, and overall greater joy & satisfaction.
Intentional living is the cornerstone of a happier, healthier life, with less guilt & regret, greater alignment and overall sense of meaning.
Thank you for reading,
Enjoy the journey,
Katie
Many let life live through them like you said which is autopilot. This can cause so much dissatisfaction. I liked your markers of an intentional and autopilot life. These help align myself more to an intentional life.